FasterCard, the Credit Card Touring Cyclist's Credit Card!

by Sheldon Brown

Original article: https://www.sheldonbrown.com/fastercard.html on sheldonbrown.com

• Reproduced with the permission of John Allen and Harriet Fell — all rights reserved. The version on sheldonbrown.com is authoritative.
• Mirrored: 2026-10-06 · Last update of the original: see original

New From ShelBroCo!

That Was Then... Back in the Olden Days, touring cyclsts used to struggle along on overloaded bikes, schlepping tents, cookstoves, fuel, pots and pans, ground cloths, stinky sleeping bags, mosquito netting, spare clothing, toilet paper and a ton of other junk. The overloaded bikes weighed a ton, and needed eensy-weensy chainrings and huge rear sprockets to enable them to crawl laboriously up even the smallest hill.

...This Is Now! That was all before the greatest cycling invention ever: Credit Card Touring! The credit card tourist doesn't need to tote any of that junk! Just bring along your trusty credit card, and buy whatever you need, whenever you want it! Now you can ride a modern wonder machine made of exotic metals and fancy plastics, carrying nothing but the essentials! At the end of a hard day in the saddle, you can stop at a luxury hotel to recharge your batteries. You'll also be able to recharge your cel phone, your global positioning system, your PDA and your iPod. Try doing that on a wooded campsite!

But...Is your credit card touring ready?

If you're still using an old-fashioned general-purpose credit card, you might as well be carrying a bottle of white gas clipped to your downtube! Don't you deserve a true cyclist's credit card?

Sheldon Brown Proudly Presents:

FasterCard Titanium, the Credit Card Touring Cyclist's Credit Card!

FasterCard Titanium, is the first credit card ever to be made from Titanium 3AL 2.5V alloy for light weight and durability. In addition, the FasterCard Titanium, is drilled out for increased lightness, without compromising the embossed numerals or the special rare-earth magnetic stripe on the back. The FasterCard Titanium's magnetic strip, despite its light weight, is the sturdiest, highest coercivity magnetic strip available on any major credit card. Even after thousands of uses, it still registers on the first swipe 99.993% of the time, so you never need to waste time waiting for some sales droid to tediously key in your number manually!

The FasterCard Titanium is highly exclusive, too. It is only available to Real Cyclists like you, not to the hoi polloi!

Apply for your FasterCard Titanium Now!

		(Ex. username@domain.com)
	Email	NOTE: If you provide an email address, we may use it to contact you about your account. We may also use your email address to send you information about products and services that you might find useful. We will also sell it to every spammer who will give us a nickel for it.

Prefix	Mr.; Ms.; Mrs.; Congresmann; Senator; Justice; President; Governor; Your Holiness; Your Excellency; Your Imperial Majesty
*First Name		MI
*Last Name		Suffix	None; Jr.; Sr.; KCB; Deceased; III; IV; V

	*Street Address	(No P.O. Boxes)
	Apt./Suite/Campsite/Cell Block
	*City
	*State	Please select; Alabama; Alaska; Anxiety; Arizona; Arkansaw; Azerbaijan; California; Colorado; Concusion; Connecticut; Delaware; Denial; Despair; District of Columbia; Euphoria; Florida; Geo'gia; Hawaii; Idaho; Illinoise; Indiana; Iowa; Kansas; Kaintucky; Loosiana; Maine; Maryland; Massatushits; Michigan; Minnesota; Mississippi; Missouri; Misery; Montana; Nebraska; Nevada; New Hampster; New Joisey; New Mexico; Noo Yawk; No'th Carolina; North Dakota; Ohio; Oklahoma!; Oregawn; Pennsylvania; Rhode Island; South Carolina; South Dakota; Tennessee; Texas; Uncertainty; Utah; Vuhmont; Virginia; Warshington; West Virginny; Wisconsin; Whyoming?; Zaire; Zimbabwe
	*ZIP Code

Residential Status

Select one; Own; Rent; Live w/parents; Live w/mate, Hetrosexual; Live w/mate, Homosexual; Squatter; Homeless; Deceased; Fictitious

*Time at Residence

Weeks   0; 1; 2; 3; 4; 5; 6; 7 Days

*Home Phone Number

- -

	Body Fat Index
	Resting Heart Rate

Employment & Bank Information

Company/Employer Name

Company/Employer   Phone Number

- -

Time at Company

Days

*Occupation

Select one; Bike Mechanic (shop); Bike Mechanic (race); Bike Bum; Clergy; Drug Dealer (recreational); Drug Dealer (performance enhancing); Embezzler; Head of State; Hermit; Hobo; Identity Theft; Marketing Droid; Ninja; Organized Crime; Prostitute; Right Wing Talk Radio Host; Self Employed - Professional; Self Employed - Amateur; Software Pirate; Suicide Assistant; Supreme Court Justice; Used Car Sales; Other

*Yearly Income†

(No commas, please) $ .00

Other Yearly   Household Income†

$ .00

† Alimony, child support, undeclared tips, bribes, kickbacks or separate maintenance income need not be revealed if you do not wish it to be considered as a basis for repaying this obligation.

I have the following   bank account(s):

Checking        Savings        Money Market  Piggy  Cash under Mattress Secret Numbered Account (Switzerland)  Secret Numbered Account (Bahamas)  Secret Numbered Account (Freedonia)

Card Options

	Language Preference	English      Finnish  Flemish  Fortran  French

In Commemoration of The Inventor of the , Nanodrive, Product W, Carrababy, Tork-Grip Universal Torque Wrench, Real MAN Saddles, Symmetrispokes, the Geomagnetic Booster, and POWerwheels, Sheldon "Genius, But Modest" Brown
George Brown photo

Check Out All These Fine ShelBroCo Products:
NO JOKE Helium Magic Paint Dent Removal SCB American Way Bicycles™ Sheldon's      Secret Cellar Bike Walk America ShelBroCo Chain Cleaning System FasterCard Nanodrive Product W Tork-Grip Real MAN Saddles Symmetrispokes Geomagnetic Booster POWerwheels Bayonetz Bar Endz Superleggero Bearing Balls

Copyright © 2011 Sheldon Brown

Original: https://www.sheldonbrown.com/fastercard.html · Reproduced on en.wikipedalia.com with permission, all rights reserved.